Things I Don’t Want to Know

Monday 8 December 2008, by Willem Kuypers // Jean Vanier English

I discovered something which I had never confronted before, that there were immense forces of darkness and hatred within my own heart. At particular moment of fatigue or stress, I saw forces of hate rising up inside me, and the capacity to hurt someone who was weak and was provoking me! That, I think, was what caused me the most pain: to discover who I really am, and to realize that maybe I did not want to know who I really was! I did not want to admit all the garbage inside me. And then I had to decide whether I would just continue to pretend that I was okay and throw myself into hyperactivity, projects where I could forget all the garbage and prove to others how good I was.

- Jean Vanier, From Brokenness to Community, p.19